Why You Should Stop Trying To Love Yourself

I know the title of this post is very bold and brazen of me… and you’ve probably bolted over here in horror to see how I could possibly justify this one…

But just hear me out.

I’m sure you’ve heard (I know I have) a lot about self love, and how important it is to love yourself because you’re so special and divine and.. you get the picture. We then kind of get it, it makes sense, so we make every effort to learn to love and accept ourselves. Which is great. But the thing is… love isn’t about learning. It’s about unlearning; unlearning everything you’ve attached to yourself over the course of your life that does not serve you. It’s about undoing the layers of limiting beliefs that hinder your attempts to become your most authentic self. In fact, it’s about allowing who you really are to come to the surface i.e. not letting your enemy-of-progress-brain cloud your judgement with fear and doubt (it doesn’t mean to be an enemy of progress btw, but it’s wired to seriously take on board your subconscious limiting beliefs).

Anyway, I’d like you to take a moment to consider the idea that love is not something outside of yourself. What if you are love itself? What if your very existence is the epitome of love?

Still with me?

My aim here is to highlight the importance of understanding that love is NOT outside of ourselves. To love yourself is to simply be.

The absence of your authentic self is the absence of love.

There’s a saying that goes ‘you can’t love anyone until you love yourself’. I think ‘you can’t love anyone until you BE yourself’ is more appropriate. Why? Because you are synonymous with love.

Love is a state of being. When you allow yourself to be who you truly are (which is love) love can’t help but show up in everything you do and everyone you interact with. In saying this, it’s important to understand that showing love is not always necessarily an outward display of gushy emotion or expression. Sometimes love is simply showing compassion, sometimes it’s telling someone exactly what is on your mind, sometimes love is simply saying no.

Instead of learning how and trying hard to love yourself, unlearn everything that’s stopping you from being yourself and simply allow yourself to blossom. Follow the messages of your inner guide. Peeling back layers of baggage and really stepping into our authenticity literally makes us shine, leaving us susceptible to experiencing ourselves, experiencing love, in a way that we’ve never before.  

Us humans tend to romanticize love a lot, our brains shifting straight to romantic relationships as soon as we hear the word. We also attach not only our own fear-based meanings to it but also whole load of expectation to it, too. Love is not there to fill any sort of void, because *plot twist* we have no voids to fill. We are whole and complete and everything we look for externally, already.  When it comes to romantic relationships, love definitely needs to be the foundation (as it does with all things), but there are a whole load of other factors to take into consideration…. but that’s for another post.

Stay tuned as in my coming posts, I will be exploring love a bit further, hopefully shedding a little bit of light on why things go the way they do when it comes to the L word.

I hope I’ve redeemed myself…

 

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